The Myth of the Modern-day Superparent. No BECKY, you cannot do it all.
Today on the show we have an in-depth panel discussion between three busy ladies who tackle the question of how do we have it all? Is it even possible?
Likely possible – but not without some collateral damage.
WHAT ARE YOUR PRIORITIES
The first key to finding a balance is to first know what your priorities are as well as having an understanding that there are going to be “seasons” to each priority you may have in your life.
Also key is to make sure these priorities are communicated and there is an agreement reached between you and your spouse and/or your partner.
For single parents – these questions are still worth considering so that you can set expectations and allowances for yourself as you navigate through the important areas in your life.
Becoming clear about expectations was not easy. It was a process for Carla. She and her husband had to realize when things were not working. This allowed them to come together and figure out what could be negotiated and to set deadlines for when the chaos will end.
WHAT IF THE ROLES WHERE REVERSED?
It is important to recognize and be aware of our own biases and gender-stereotypes.
As more women are tackling balancing careers and motherhood and the idea that we can do it all – it is worth noting that our male counterparts don’t always have the same societal demands.
For instance, how are these two situations looked upon differently?
A male executive who must travel often for work versus a female. For the male, his absence may simply be perceived as “he is working hard to provide for his family.”
On the other hand, the female may be seen as over-extending herself and neglecting her family. Of course, this is not always the case, but it is important to note that these biases are still prevalent.
At the same time, we also need to cut our stay-at-home dads some slack when they are carrying a bigger load in the household. An imprudent response would be to simply state they should, “deal with it” since traditionally, women have been bearing that load for generations.
Instead, if our spouse or partner has concerns or needs that are being neglected because we are being pulled in several different directions, it behooves the relationship to meet them halfway and come together to find common ground.
Self-care is a tough one when you are the breadwinner or if you spend a lot of time on a “passion projects.” Sometimes, because we find so much value in our identities in these areas, we feel guilty taking additional time to exercise true self-care (like exercise, for instance).
Figure out what fills you up and renews your mind. Taking this time allows you to be a better parent, spouse, partner, friend and worker.
One way to make sure you take this time out for yourself is to build it into your schedule.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR SINGLE PARENTS
That depends somewhat upon what is being defined as a single parent. For a parent who shares custody, the time that their ex has their parenting time with the children can be used to focus on work.
For parents without the support of another parent, it becomes very important to lean on community; outsourcing, using family and friends to fill in the gap, childcare swaps.
It’s OK to be vulnerable enough to ask for help and lean on each other.
Don’t forget local community groups and work-play cafes.
It is also worth checking out your employer resources – see all of the benefits your employer offers. You may be surprised.
Since it is so hard to ask…don’t wait for someone to ask for help. Be aware. Make gestures before being asked.
AN EXERCISE IN PERCEPTION
There is so much invisible work done on both sides. A great exercise to help each other see things from another perspective is to write down individually all the work that you do and then swap and compare.
SOME THINGS ARE WORTH EXCHANGING TIME FOR MONEY
For Carla, it was hiring someone to clean her toilets. She eventually realized she COULD do it herself, but it would take away time she had with her son.
Sometimes it means extending your FIRE timeline so that you can buy back time and experiences for your family. That’s the choice both Wendy and Chelsea made. Sacrificing a few years to get to FIRE but getting back time with their children.
CARLA AND CHELSEA ON THE FINAL QUESTIONS
Biggest money lessons:
Carla – The importance of saving.
Chelsea – It’s not how much you make, but how much you save.
Lessons to pass on to their children:
Carla – Knowing the rules of the game, money management, tax codes and run a business. If you have the knowledge you can create the future you want.
Chelsea – They get to define what success looks like for them.
WHERE CAN YOU FIND CARLA AND CHELSEA
Carla can be found at wealthworhtwithin.com
Chelsea is at smartmoneymamas.com
Below are Chelsea and Carla’s Favorite Reads:
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